I’m not trying to make friends here im starting an army
hands up if you sing duets with yourself
Fuck that I sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” by myself
IS THIS THE REAL LIFE
if you cunts think you’re about to start singing bohemian rhapsody on my post I will kick you so fucking hard your mother’s mother will feel it
I SWEAR I LAUGH AT THIS EVERY TWO SECONDS
the fact that this gif of me doing sit ups while also trying to reach for cinnamon rolls is on the internet really has me question what i’ve been doing with my life
mark madden called me a nobody on twitter
me: oh no he's hot too
me: oh no she's also hot
me: oh no
me: everyone is so hot
me: oh no
nah, he ran into her knife
he ran into her knife ten times
HE HAD IT COMING
HE ONLY HAS HIMSELF TO BLAME
IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE
IF YOU HAD SEEN IT
I BET THAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME
i cannot stress enough how much i love this post
But I guess ultimately what scares me about marriage is where do you find this person? You know a lot of times, most successful relationships, people meet through work, school, mutual friends.
But what’s most interesting to me is when people just meet in life, just randomly.
You know, I have a friend, he got married, I asked him like “Hey, uh, where’d you meet your wife?” He was like “I was leaving Bed, Bath & Beyond. I was looking for my car - I drive a gray Prius. I saw a different gray Prius, I thought it was mine, I walked up to it, I realized I had the wrong car, but I bumped into Carol, we started talking, that was that”. That’s unbelievable.
Think about all the random factors that had to come together to make this one moment possible - this one moment that changed these two people’s entire lives:
First off, this guy has to live in this particular town. Then he has to get a gray Prius. Then he has to need to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond. Then he has to go to that particular Bed, Bath & Beyond. Then there has to be another guy who also lives in town, also drives a gray Prius, also needs to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond, also goes to that particular Bed, Bath & Beyond at around the same time. Then they have to both park somewhat near each other, my friend has to leave before the other guy leaves, see the wrong Prius, think it’s his, walk up to it. Then the woman, Carol, needs to be near the wrong gray Prius for a million other random reasons. They bump into each other, they start talking, their entire lives are changed.
That’s the most amazing and terrifying thing about life.
It is, cause the amazing thing is that at any moment, any one of us can have that moment that totally changes our lives. You could be leaving the show tonight, bump into someone… it could change your life. You don’t know, that could happen.
The terrifying thing is… what if we’re all supposed to be at Bed Bath & Beyond right now?" -Aziz Ansari, Buried Alive (via hahry)